Your daughter knows exactly who she is. The question is — do you?
Volleyball.net Editorial · 2025-04-13
An anonymous Volleyball Moms letter went around twice because parents recognized themselves. Here's what it revealed about watching who she already is.
The Post That Started It
An anonymous parent posted this in the Volleyball Moms Facebook group. No promotion. No byline. No agenda.
Then it happened again. Eight months later, the same letter reappeared. The comments filled with parents writing "this is me."
Nobody talks about what parents carry inside the ultra-competitive club volleyball world. This parent did. And it pointed — unexpectedly — to a system that could help.
If you've ever felt any of the following — this letter was written for you.
My daughter should quit volleyball.
She's short. She's small.
She's half the weight of the good volleyball girls.
She never makes the top team.
I'm stressed out from 'competing' parents with daughters who tryout against mine.
I hide her private lessons, in order for my daughter to beat them.
It's ruined friendships.
She trains 3-4 times weekly outside of her club practices.
But she's still not good enough.
I've had car-rides home where I completely tear her down (sometimes screaming) in order for her to get better.
Nothing works!
Should I make her quit volleyball?
Keep reading...
If you've felt any of the above.
Let me tell you.
I've made some mistakes along this volleyball journey.
I've regretted many.
Nobody writes about the unspoken pressures of a volleyball parent, within this ultra competitive youth volleyball world.
This is important.
I've got several daughters that have and are playing at a 'high level'.
I've had my 'dark days'.
Let me tell you something that may release some pressure and allow you to live your best volleyball parent life.
My daughter is not who she was at 10 years old. Or 11, or 12 or 13…
She's worked hard.
She is the type of girl that needs 10,000+ reps in order to be great at some skills and that's ok… as long as she truly loves it.
She is vibrant.
She loves her team.
I lived so many years pushing instead of holding her hand and walking with her through this volleyball experience.
My intentions were always good.
I promise.
I wanted her to have more in life than I had as a child.
I wanted to set her up for success.
So, this daughter of mine.
She's witty.
She's funny.
She's beautiful.
She's brilliant.
When I say brilliant, she received a special program invite from a renowned top 10 college in the US, at the age of 12 because of her high test score in math.
She can make her team laugh on-demand.
I swear that I don't know where she learns some of the hilarious things she says.
TikTok maybe?
So, here we are…
After stressing for 8+ years.
I let go of my worries.
I allowed her to live into who she is.
We embraced her gifts.
Guess what?
She loves volleyball so much.
She will always love volleyball.
We've watched some of the "ONE TEAM" girls from nearby top clubs… fight, struggle and quit volleyball forever at ages of 16-17.
But not my girl.
She loves genuinely it.
She will never quit.
And I can honestly say…
"I wish I changed sooner."
Here's my point.
Each daughter is different.
Physically different.
DNA different.
Personality different.
Environment different.
And so many more…
Some girls come from families that have had little to nothing for many generations and have had to grind life out to get where they are. They want their daughter to skip some of the pain that they experienced. I understand.
Just know this.
You are a great parent who loves your daughter so much that you support her within this unbelievably competitive youth volleyball world.
One piece of knowledge that I've learned.
Many times, "LESS is MORE".
Say less, do less, think less.
Instead — Be joyful. Be present. Be her fan.
Reread that.
My wish for you.
Regardless, if your daughter is a 10,000+ reps girl like mine or a complete natural...
Lift her up.
Hug her often.
Even if she struggles and tries to get away from your 'unnaturally' strong grip 🤣😆
She will eventually start to lean into those hugs - trust me.
So, my daughter?
She had 5+ amazing colleges (some were "Ivy League" worthy too) give her offers. They want her to play volleyball for them while she is on a premed track.
BTW: One of the college's ranked as high as 2nd in the country for premed.
She is now committed to play in college.
She's in her 18's final club season now while coaching her own youth club volleyball team and then off to college she goes!
I wish someone wrote this years ago.
If your daughter loves volleyball but she may not be projecting to be a Nebraska D-1 Recruit…
Lean into who she really is.
If she's brilliant, volleyball is the perfect sport to get her (top of the list) into some of the hardest academic colleges in the country.
'She may not play for Nebraska but she's gonna save lives as a doctor due to the education that volleyball helped her get… AND after college, when she has those initials of Dr. (Doctor)... she will continue playing volleyball on a local recreation league because she truly LOVES this amazing sport that much.' ❤️🏐❤️
What more can I ask for?
I write this message with so much respect for this beautiful community.
I see you.
It's not easy.
It's not cheap.
However.
It is extremely rewarding.
I'm hopeful that this has helped just one other parent that feels the emotions of this wildly beautiful experience.
Keep grinding, keep supporting, keep loving.
See you at the tournaments,
-Proud Volleyball Parent
The System Behind the Letter
That letter gave you the feeling. PACE gives you the answer.
The PACE Player Development System identifies the four PACE traits every athlete brings onto the court — and teaches coaches and parents to use that knowledge instead of fighting it.