Tryout Week Turns the Parking Lot Into a Comparison Factory
Kent Littlejohn · 2026-09-05
Every kid "looked great" until the quiet ranking starts in the parking lot. Here's how to keep your player from becoming a scorecard before the coaches post a single roster.
Day one of tryouts ends, and the gym doors swing open.
Kids pour out with shoes half-tied and red faces, trying to read each other without asking the one question nobody wants to say out loud: How did you do?
Parents don't have that filter.
In the parking lot, small talk turns into soft scouting. "She seemed nervous." "Did you see that Olivia is here?" "I heard they're only taking two setters." Someone mentions a kid who grew three inches since last year like it's breaking news. Someone else laughs and says these things are so subjective, which is true, and is usually what people say right before they rank everybody anyway.
Your kid is ten steps ahead of you, looking at a phone and acting like the grown-up conversation isn't happening. They hear all of it.
Picture the ride home when your kid finally says, quietly, "Please don't talk about me in the parking lot." Not mad. Just tired. They spent two hours being evaluated by coaches, then walked through a second evaluation made of raised eyebrows and half-finished sentences.
I see this every tryout season from the other side of the gym doors. Running tryouts is part of my job as a club director, and I can tell you the parking lot has no idea what's on our evaluation sheets.
Tryouts are uncertain by design. Coaches are watching skills, of course. We're also watching how a player handles a mistake, how quickly they take a correction, which positions the roster needs, and how kids work together. Most of that can't be seen from a folding chair by the wall. When adults can't see the whole picture, they fill the gap with stories. The stories feel like information. Usually they aren't.
Here's the real cost. When you talk about other kids in front of your player ("That libero was everywhere," "Their DS looked so polished"), they don't hear scouting. They hear a leaderboard. Then they start grading themselves in real time: Was I everywhere? Did I look polished? Even praise can go sideways. "You looked better than half those girls" teaches a kid that their worth depends on who else showed up.
Every kid walks into the same gym with a different history. One has taken lessons for years. One switched positions last spring. One is coming back from an ankle sprain and is quietly protecting it. One freezes in a new gym and plays great once the drills feel familiar. Boiling all of that down to who looked good today is like judging a book by its first page.
What to do when the parking lot starts buzzing
Decide your role before you park. You're the ride, the snacks, the calm face and one good conversation later. You're not the evening's TV analyst. If another parent starts comparing kids, nod, give a short answer that doesn't rank anyone ("Long week. I hope all the kids find a good fit."), and head for your car. You don't owe anyone a scouting report on your kid or theirs.
Protect the car ride. Your player might want to talk. They might want quiet and a drive-thru drink. Ask one open question that isn't a performance review, like "How did your body feel out there?" or "Which drill felt best?" If they say "I don't know," believe them. The first day of tryouts scrambles a kid's nerves. Clarity usually shows up after food and sleep.
Keep other kids' names out of your mouth unless your player brings them up. Even then, steer back to what they can control. If they say, "Mia was so much better than me," don't argue them into fake confidence and don't pile on. Try: "Mia plays a different game than you. What do you want to bring into tomorrow from today?" That respects what they saw and keeps one afternoon from turning into a permanent ranking in their head.
Watch the group texts. Parent threads during tryout week can turn into rumor mills, even with good intentions: who got asked back, who cried, which coach liked which kid. Mute what you need to mute. Information that isn't yours to carry still shows up on your face when you walk in the house.
Let the coaches do their job. Nobody in that gym is grading your parenting. Coaches are building rosters with limits you can't fully see. Your player's job is to compete hard and listen. Your job is to keep the mood at home from becoming a second tryout they never signed up for. At CVA, the gym is closed to parents once tryouts start. It isn't personal. Kids play more freely when they aren't checking the doorway for a reaction.
When the results come in
Comparison will follow kids into school, jobs and friendships. What helps is learning that a comparison doesn't get to decide what they're worth. Tryout week is a messy place to learn that, and you get to show them how.
When results come, whether it's an offer, a different team than you hoped for, or no spot at all, handle the news with the same steadiness. Celebrate without making other families feel small. Be sad without turning a 12-year-old who made the team into the villain. Kids watch how parents react to the list, and they learn what's okay when hope gets complicated.
If your player made the team they wanted, great. Still skip the parking-lot victory lap. If they didn't, they're still the same kid who walked into that gym and tried. A roster tells you what one team needed in one season, and nothing more about who your kid is.
If you have questions about a placement, ask the club once things settle. A good club will tell you what they saw and what to work on. CVA follows the Ohio Valley Region (OVR) guideline of giving families at least 48 hours to make a decision on an offer, so you have time to breathe, talk as a family and ask those questions before you answer.
Tryout week will always have a little electricity in the parking lot. You can't stop every comment from every nervous parent. You can decide that your kid's story gets told at your kitchen table, in their words, when they're ready, and not in a huddle of adults turning children into spreadsheets.
Getting ready for CVA tryouts?
If your player is trying out with us, the best cure for nerves is time in the gym first. See current dates at CVA Open Gyms, then register at CVA Tryouts. You can learn more about the club on CVA's Volleyball.net page.
After the gym gets quiet, help them keep their own score.
For a free way to help your player process tryouts without all the comparison noise, start with PACE.
If they want more structure for the stretch between big evaluation weeks, Athlete Pro is at Athlete Pro ($14.99/mo · $119/yr). It's support for their headspace, with no promises about who they'll beat next year.